When browsing round the hotel reception at the leaflets we saw a small guide on Warsaw itself. Being a general guide to Warsaw we picked it up and had a browse through. This was an In Your Pocket guide book, and it proved to be a fabulous alternative to the heavy-duty country-specific guide books that we’d brought with us. Detailing the local and surrounding attractions to Warsaw, offering contemporary restaurant guides and more off-the-beaten-track local and historical information that never makes it into the more generic guide books. Written in an easy to digest format, it was perfect for the few days we spent in Warsaw.

Heading down to Krakow, we looked out for an In Your Pocket Krakow guide, and found one, again, in the hotel reception; and we were pleased to find that is was as useful as it’s Warsaw counterpart.

The beauty of these guides is that they really live up to their name – a comprehensive guide that really can be folded, rolled and/or wedged into your back pocket.

So you can imagine the first thing I suggested to my mum when she announced that she was off to Gdansk with a few of her mates for a jolly weekend exploring – “Look out for an ‘In your pocket’ guide when you get there”.

Naturally I wondered whether there was anything online, so I visited the In Your Pocket website. A cool website with lots of information on a wealth of cities. “Bingo!” I thought. Unfortunately though, they only had the shorter guides for download, so I thought I’d drop them a line to see where I can buy the longer guide. After a few email exchanges I received two complimentary copies of the full guide book through the post.

I wanted to mention this as it’s so refreshing to find a company that offers a quality product and excellent, friendly customer service. Look out for these guides whenever you’re visiting an unfamiliar European city as you’re bound to find something in them that is useful and interesting, or check out their website before you go.

So, we can hardly imagine what Ann and Rick are feeling today on their 25th Wedding Anniversary (and we’re sure it’ll be more than what we’re feeling multiplied by 25). If Ann and Rick have as happy a day today as any of the other days that they’ve been together then they will have a great anniversary… if you top that with a good meal somewhere, maybe some chocolates, and (as it’s a silver anniversary) potentially some jewellery; then what a bonus.

( Oh, Rich, for our anniversary you can replace the silver with some paper tickets to somewhere nice ).

Happy 25th Wedding Anniversary you guys!

The second thing we noticed was Aaron had advanced from green to blue belt (he’d obviously gone to the same grading as Tony last weekend). So Portsmouth is now a little more colourful. When we began at our own dojo, only orange belts were in evidence, one of those belts (Tony) has now advanced to green, and in the “other” dojo there are now two blues (because there was someone we’d not met before there last night).

Sensei Duncan, for that was his name, began the class with the usual bow in, and Mike took warm up. What was immediately apparent was that Duncan’s classes have more chat and banter. This is probably a reflection of the fact that our class all started together so we’ve maintained a bit of that newbie shyness and respect as a group.

Strike and block with stances

Following warm up we normally go into strikes, then blocks, then stances, going through slow, and medium pace before doing hard and fast. Occasionally later on in the sessions we will go through some combinations, sometimes in Heko Dachi and other times travelling forward and back. Tonight, however, we started straight out combining blocks, stances and strikes in a way we hadn’t before.

Starting in Heko Dachi we dropped back to Zenkutsu Dachi with a Jodan Age Uke over the front leg, followed by a Ushiro Tsuki. Then as we change stance we repeat it – with the other leg and arm. This was a concetration exercise as much as anything else and worked hard on our coordination.

Maintaining Zenkutsu Dachi throughout we did other block and srike combinations with the block always being first and done with the arm over the front leg:

• Uchi Uke with Jodan Tsuki
• Soto Uke with Ura Uchi
• Gedan Barai with Hiji Ate, and
• Gedan Uke with Mawashi empi

We followed this with some advacnced blocks and strikes, but again instead of staying in heiko dachi we would begin in kiba dachi for the first few strikes/blocks and then move into Shiko Dachi. We did the following strikes:

• Haito uchi
• soto shuto uchi and
• uchi shuto uchi

and the following blocks:

• chuge uke
• kake uke and
• mawashi uke

Kick combos in long stance

Having thoroughly tested our brains and coordination it was now time to test our legs. We initially focused on Mae Geri, and worked through the kick slowly. Then instead of one kick per count we moved to 6 repititions of 2 kicks per count, and then 3 kicks per count. We did the same with Ushiro Geri, but only for 2 kicks per count. We’re finding the kicks the most difficult thing at the moment, so it was great to focus on them in this way. I’m sure as our legs get stronger and our balance better we will find them easier, however the movements still feel quite alien.

Looking Kata

Following some leg stretching we went into taigyoku shodan, but with a twist. Normally each count represents a block or strike, however this time in addition to the blocks and strikes being counted, everytime there is a change of direction one count is taken up by a look to the intended direction of travel. With the looking kata, wheverver someone flinches or makes a move when they should be simply looking, we yame, start from the beginning. This exercise reinforces the importance of looking.

A kata is a representation of moves associated with defending yourself against several imaginary opponents. Without looking you are simply going through the motions without appreciating the reasoning behind why, and the kata then turns into some obscure form of japanese line dancing. It took us several attempts to get this right but it served not only as good lesson, but also a good opportunity to fine tune the kata in time for our grading.

Yellow stripes

Following the seiza those of us who had yet to officially receive our promotion, from 10th to 9th Kyu, were awarded our ‘yellow stripes’. This is recognition of our learning to date, and doesn’t require any official grading like promotion to yellow belt would. On receiving this accolade we received a certificate and a yellow stripe ribbon. This would attach nicely to the white belt of our Gi (if we had one). We can grade for our 8th Kyu (yellow belt) without wearing a Gi, but we are not allowed to wear our yellow belt until we actually get our Gi. The canvas/cotton decision will probably be made once we’ve been graded to yellow belt, which apparently could be as soon as next week – watch this space…

The variations we’ve tried so far include:

• slow kata
• medium kata
• fast kata
• legs only kata (with hands behind back)
• self paced (Hajime) kata
• Kiai on every Uke
• Kiai on every Geri
• Kiai on everything
• Wibbly wobbly kata (very relaxed with smooth movement and no tensioning)

This week, Sensei added a new variation.

• Mokuso Kata

Going through an entire kata with your eyes closed is not something to be done without supervision, but it’s a good learning experience. Whilst the whole class closes its eyes, the Sensei and Sempai watch to ensure nobody gets a clout or hits a wall.

If stances and movement are correct, then (for Mokuso Tagioku Shodan at least) after the 8 turns, 8 blocks and 12 strikes, the class should end up back where it started, and all facing the same direction. We didn’t do too badly.

What’s particularly good about it is that you become more aware of making every movement and stance correct, and also focus on using audible cues to affirm position and orientation.

By day, our dojo is a nursery school, so thankfully there’s no shortage of exceedingly small chairs. With one chair per person, the chair exercises were as follows:

Mae Geri with Chair

When standing in Heiko Dachi we placed the chair in front of us (with the seat facing) so that when the kick was fully outstretched we were kicking above and beyond the back of the chair. This illustrated clearly that not only must the preparation be right, but the return must also be high and distinct from the placing of the foot on the floor.

Mawashi Geri with Chair

Having turned the chair through 90 degrees we practiced Mawashi Geri, this time using the top of the back of the chair as a target, rather than an obstacle. The object is to aim for the lip of the chair, but not to make contact; stopping just short of it and controlling the kick at it’s fullest extent. The chair was then reversed so we could practice the other leg.

Yoko Geri with Chair

For Yoko Geri we brought the chair to our side, but facing away from us, then kicked over it. This again was a strong illustration of how to prepare and return from a kick.

Ushiro Geri with Chair

Finally, in an exercise similar to the two-person Ushiro Geri we did with Sensei Simon two weeks ago, we stood in front of the chair, and used the little hole as a heel target. Performing the kick with balanced slow accuracy was more important than a fast kick.

New Strikes and Blocks

Two weeks ago we were unable to attend the yellow belt grading, but several of our class did attend and now have their belts (though they’re waiting for their Gi’s to arrive before wearing them). This week the yellow belts (and those of us who would/should have attended the same grading, began learning some new strikes and blocks.

Whilst GKR focuses on basics, we had until now been focusing on the most basic subset. The new techniques included:

• Soto Shuto Uchi
• Uchi Shuto Uchi
• Chuge Uke
• Kake Uke
• Mawashi Uke

Four of these five are open hand techniques, which we understand are not taught initially in order to concentrate on core muscle memory and to help limit the potential for inadvertent finger snagging when beginning simple kumite.

We did each of them very slowly, without going in to too much detail about technique. This was similar to the process we followed in learning the basic moves, start with a general idea using broad brushstrokes, and then refine it. Obviously the refinement bit will take a while.

Corners Exercise

A new exercise was introduced tonight, quite a tiring one this because we did approximately rokujyu repititions.
From Heiko Dachi we moved out feet to two shoulder widths apart and entrered Zenkutsu (only rotating our feet, and orienting our bodies to the left hand front corner of the dojo.

The exercise involved repeatedly executing a ushiro tsuki, then reorienting to the opposite front corner and again executing a ushiro tsuki. This meant we were throwing a right arm reverse punch to the left corner of the dojo, and a left arm reverse punch to the right, with the appropriate shift in stance from left to right and back each time.

After around sanjyu of these, Sensei changed the combination to ushiro tsuki, mae geri, chodan tsuki, ushiro tsuki. We then did another sanjyu, getting faster after each jyu.

Cotton and Canvas Gi’s

Whilst we were having a little water break I asked Sensei John a few things including “what kind gi might be most suitable for a beginner, cotton or canvas”. Since he’d not used canvas, his vote went for cotton. He did venture an opinion on the noise issue though. Canvas gi’s make a pleasing thwack sound when they are moved briskly (akin to whipping up the duvet when making the bed, and rather reminiscent of top-notch Hollywood sound effects). Sensei John pointed out that if you’re concentrating on the noise you make, you’re not concentrating (a) on your technique or (b) during kumite, on how your opponent is preparing to attack you. So for Sensei John, the pleasure of the audio feedback is not a plus, but a potential diversion.

Prior to this I’d also asked the wider community about Gi’s, and had some useful feedback.

Breathing Exercises

Sensei John brought up the subject of breathing exercises, and checked if he’d covered it at all. Now, previously I’ve heard of the the whole, in through the noise-out through the mouth “thing”, but it’s never made any sense to me. Sensei John said he envisages the inhalation going through the nose, then around his head and through his body, whereas the exhalation is an exhaust from the centre, so the nose mouth separation can help induce calm through focusing on self-familiarity if in a stressfull situation (such as meeting multiple undesirables in a dimly lit back street). Of course, this doesn’t take account of sniffles in the winter and hayfever in the summer, which is the main reason why I’ve never twigged the practical side of it, but conceptually at least, it makes sense now.

This was probably the biggest class we’d been in. There were a signficantly large number of white belts, probably due to a whole bunch of new people attending their first class.

Rich took a particularly good warm up, and included everything he needed to in the right order. The interference caused by mirroring the class (as you face them) is a challenge still, understandably as it takes a lot of practise to get right. It’s caused by the person at the front instructing the class to use their right arm, but as that person is facing the class they have to demonstrate using their left arm. It’s a bit like the Stroop effect or patting your head and rubbing your tummy at the same time. Sensei John tends to get this right, but amusingly when he turns round to demonstrate a technique to the class and faces the same way as them, he has to undo this training, and it’s almost possible to see the cogs whirring as he works out that left really is left. GKR certainly tests your mental agility as well as your physical agility.

It was interesting to see the new people in training. We went through Taigyoku Shodan, several times, with arms and without arms. I found this a really useful opportunity to practise my stances as the pace was slow enough to work on making sure my feet were two shoulder widths long, and one shoulder width wide, my back leg straight and my back straight for long fighting stance.

The new folks had a little trouble, after all, the turning in first kata is enough to begin with, let alone learning all the moves, but they all seemed to do really well. Its good to see how we must have been at the start of our training, and how quickly we’ve come along. Although the orange and green belt demonstration of Bassai Dai highlighted just how far there is to go.

With John we concentrated on more confusing combinations (like last week), in a continuing push towards combining any move, on any side of the body, with any other move, rather than becoming reliant on a left-follows-right-follows-left technique. Combinations included:

• Jodan Tzuki, followed by a Jodan Age Uke, both with the left arm, then both with the right.
• Chudan Tzuki, followed by an Uchi Uke (again 2 lefts followed by 2 rights).
• Chudan Tzuki, followed by a Soto Uke.

With Simon we concentrated on improving kicks, with focus on:

• technique

  For Mae Geri our positions were all a little top heavy, so we all had to sag into the preparation position a little more, with the knee raised as high as possible, this made thrusting the hips forward to power the kick a lot easier.

  We were also introduced to a similar technique for improving our Yoko Geri which involved tipping the hip facing the opponent up during the preparation phase so as to affect a more direct horizontal strike.

• balance

  This was hard work… Beginning in Heiko Dachi, prepare for a right leg Mae Geri, strike, and return to the prepard position, i.e. knee up, supporting leg bent a little, then turn 90 degrees to the left, keeping on 1 foot, strike again, then turn, strike again, then turn. Repeat for at least two full rotations (8 kicks), before changing legs and rotating the other way

• accuracy

  Here we concentrated, with a partner, on Ushiro Geri, one doing the kicking, the other providing a visual target (just outside of striking distance). The important thing was that the kick was central and that toes are kept pointing straight downwards, height can come with time, but horizontal accuracy is harder to learn.

Golden nugget of the day: The preparation is as important as the execution.

Sensai John has us pegged as instructors of the future, and so is letting us get some practise in front of the group by taking the warm up. He has invited us to the Instructors class on Sundays once we have our yellow belts. This makes the fact we are going to miss the grading because of the Whitefield volleyball tournament very annoying, and a potential business trip may scupper my chances of getting to the next grading; but, all in good time.

The Friday night session has fewer white belts and more coloured belts in attendance, and this week we got to do some funky new intermediate level blocks (Mawashi Uke and Chuge Uke) usually restricted to those who have already got their yellow belts. We also did some more combination work too, for example a head block, followed by a stomach level punch, and then an inside hooking block. We did various mixtures of blocks and attacks using the same arm, including head level block followed by foward sweeping block which involves a lot of thought in the transistion

Whilst we were doing this the higher grades were sparring. We watched a green and orange belt for a time, and I realised that my current concern that I’m not doing enough CV exercise is soon going to be allayed once I have my yellow belt and start sparring. It looks both physically and mentally challenging. Physically because the amount of movement – you have to be very light on your toes or your opponent is going to going to get you. And mentally challenging as you have to constantly read your opponent so you can block their attacks, and when you attack yourself you have to maintain control, and attack without contact. As Sensai John said last night, it’s easy to go and lay into someone, but far more difficult to throw a punch and stop 2 inches from them.

Sensai John also asked how our legs were doing. I’m certainly feeling and seeing the benefit (which is a most pleasant, welcomed consequence, in a relatively short space of time). However this is not just an aesthetic difference, last night my kicks certainly felt much more controlled and stable than normal so I can see improvement there too (although I think some of this was due to Tony’s consideration when taking the mixed group through the kicks). I hope this has a knock on effect on my volleyball too…

My office buddy, Steve, has been preparing for this day for quite a while now as today is his wife’s birthday. Steve has all sorts of stuff planned which I wont go into because I wouldn’t want to spoil any surprises, but it all sounds fab, and as this is not any average birthday I hope his efforts pay off and that Helen has a great day. I’m also approaching the same ‘not any average birthday’ age myself, so I’m hoping Rich takes some notes from Steve

So ‘Happy Birthday’ Helen! We hope you have a great day

My bestest mate Brett also has a birthday today. He’s marginally older than ‘not any average birthday’, but his birthday will be special for another reason. Brett is currently in Mexico with his fiancee Vicky, to whom he will become wed tomorrow! So today is not just his birthday but his last day of single life.

So ‘Happy Birthday’ Brett! We hope you have a great day too.

Enjoy the Organisation

Aim to enjoy the organisation of your wedding as much as the day itself. It’s all part of it. If you’re putting so much emphasis on perfection you’ll get stressed, then this will be part of your memory of your wedding, and there is more chance that something wont go like clockwork on the day and you’ll notice it and be stressed on the day too. It’s not worth it. Be sensible, have fun and don’t take it too seriously. It is only one day and it is better to put your energy into things that are more long lasting like the relationships with those around you that can be fractured by unreasonable wedding planning

Avoid Wedding Magazines

There is soooooo much choice. I bought 2 wedding magazines simply to look at hair styles and realised just how much detail you can go into (and money you can spend). I suggest that 2 magazines is 2 too many. Seriously, if you go down that route you’ll be inundated with ideas and will no doubt feel totally overwhelmed. I did spend some time on the internet looking up stuff and there are loads of websites out there with information and advice. I would highly recommend focusing on web based research as you can tailor the information you receive. For example if you are looking for invitation wording you can find it pretty quickly online without having to go through loads of other information; however, if you flick through a wedding magazine for the same information you’ll be bombarded with information on the latest table decoration colours, bridal underwear and the right number of bridesmaids. Do you really need this information??? If you’re having trouble thinking of ideas and what you want, then sit down together and think of all the events you have been to, not just weddings, and talk about the things you really liked about those events and the things you didn’t like about those events. This is a good starting point as its something you have experienced yourself rather than the experience or opinion of someone who is paid to give that opinion.

A Midweek Wedding Day?

A mid-week wedding that people have to travel to has many benefits. You’ll get discounts and more availability but also some things you may not consider. We found that pretty much everyone stayed at the hotel, and as almost everyone had to travel, most people arrived at the hotel the evening before, which meant that the festivities started on the Wednesday evening (day before the wedding) and most people met each other then, meaning a far more spirited start to the actual wedding day.

Choosing the venue was by far the most difficult decision about planning our wedding; perhaps because there were some things that we knew we wanted from the outset, either from personal preference or because of things we had thought were particularly good at other weddings we’d been to.

Our Wedding Venue Requirements

• We both knew we didn’t want to get married in a church, but wanted something more than an impersonal registery office
• Once we’d counted family and very close friends, we reckoned we’d need the venue to comfortably hold 60 people for the ceremony, and maybe a few more (possibly 120) in the evening
• We wanted everything in one place so people didn’t have to drive between venues – meaning people could relax, and have a glass of wine.
• One glass of wine sometimes leads to another, so we wanted everyone to be able to stay at the venue. We needed a hotel that could accommodate 60+ people at a reasonable price (we’d already be asking our guests to take time off work for a Thursday wedding, so we didn’t want them to have to spend heavily on a hotel too).
• We wanted an early wedding to make the most of the day, because every other bride and groom we knew told us how the day goes by too quickly.
• We wanted to ply our guests with lots of drinks without breaking the bank!

There were also some things that we realised we liked the idea of as we went along and discussed ideas …

• mulled wine before the ceremony
• a jazz band after the ceremony
• a space for people to sit and talk away from the noise of the evening reception without being isolated from it
• a flexible menu and someone who would have some ideas about the food

These are all fairly straightforward requirements, but when combined they made the decision more difficult as we were looking at the whole package in one go: A venue that could host the ceremony, the wedding breakfast and the evening reception, as well as providing food and drinks packages, and accommodation.

Wedding Venue Brochures

We did look at some cool locations that didn’t offer the whole package; places that could do “just the ceremony” or “just the reception”. These served to consolidate our thoughts that we wanted everything in one place, avoiding the hassle of guests having to drive anywhere once they had arrived for the ceremony, and also, avoiding the problem of guests having to arrange taxis back to their hotels.

So we went to loads of websites and ordered loads of brochures from hotels. We also drove round areas that we thought might make nice locations and dropped-in to several hotels unannounced. This soon gave us an idea about the amount of money we could expect to pay for a venue and meal, and a good idea of what we’d get for the money.

Once we had this basic local knowledge it became quite easy to go through the brochures and make ruthless decisions based on simple criteria, such as:

• It doesn’t look like a place we’d want to get married in – often a decision made as soon as we looked at the brouchure.
• Not enough ceremony capacity.
• Too expensive – particularly related to corkage or drinks package charges.
• No accommodation, not enough accommodation or outrageously expensive accommodation.
• It’s in the wrong general location – with guests coming from all over the UK we were concerned about their travel time.

Hampshire Wedding Venue Shortlist

We had narrowed it down to 3 although we weren’t convinced straight away by any of them.

• Carey’s Manor in Brockenhurst.

  This hotel was quite magnificent, with log fires and fantastic spa facilities. The ceremony room was lovely but the wedding breakfast room felt quite confined, probably because there was little garden to look out onto. Here the accommodation rates were reasonable and they would have done us a great deal – the event organiser was very professional and very pleasant too and did her utmost to make us feel welcome. However, the evening reception room let them down as it was very modern and quite some way from anywhere that would have been comfortable for people to just sit and chat away from the noise. So we were doubtful about this one.

• The Montagu arms in Beaulieu.

  This was a small but beautiful hotel and the sister hotel to Carey’s. The woman that originally showed us round was incredibly friendly and helpful even though it wasn’t her job. The various ceremony rooms were cosy and romantic with open fires. The reception room was large. Every bedroom was decorated in a different style. In fact everything about the place was fantastic. However, on a second viewing the ‘proper’ event coordinator showed us round and she was definitely more official and didn’t really give us the warm and fuzzy feeling we’d hoped considering we were talking about one of the most important day of our lives. I mean, she would be there on the day, and would we want someone we didn’t really click with to be part of it? (I’m sure she is perfect for some people but this is something that definitely needs to be considered for any venue). Also, and this was the clincher, the price of the rooms was waaaaay over £100 per night and they wouldn’t budge on this even though they knew they’d have a full house mid week in February. Crazy. So we decided we couldn’t possibly ask our friends and family to pay that much, especially since they’d really be needing to stay two nights not one.

• Marwell Hotel in Colden Common.

  This is a modern hotel set next to Marwell Zoo. Dahlia, the event organiser there, was absolutely lovely and so very personable. The hotel itself is just fabulous. It has a real family feel yet also is reminiscent of a game reserve somewhere in Africa. All the rooms are modern yet comfortable and with the splashes of animal print this place doesn’t take itself too seriously without losing any of its professionalism. The room where we would have our reception was lovely. Really spacious and looking out into the forest, with it’s own bar, yet right next to the public bar so people could escape if they wanted to just talk without feeling they were out of the general atmosphere. Dahlia had already showed her worth by suggesting a few things they could do, which not only demonstrated the hotels flexibility but also an option that was extremely tempting …a hog roast for the evening reception! After all this good stuff, when we were shown the various ceremony rooms they were quite business-like and not really what we wanted. We mentioned this to Dahlia and she suggested we look at Marwell Hall for the ceremony – it was only in the Zoo next door, so really close.

Well by this time we had ruled out the Montagu, but Carey’s was still a possibility. On Dahlia’s advice we went up to Marwell Hall. We were greeted by Katie who showed us round this lovely listed building in the middle of a conservation zoological park. Like Dahlia, Katie was great fun and we immediately had a rapport with her. She explained what they do to the place for a wedding (all the little things like take vistors signs down, unprice the local artist’s pictures, etc).

We were quite taken by the place, and the staff, but it would mean that our ceremony and reception would be in different places, however, Katie mentioned that there was a road train that would pick up people from the hotel so they wouldn’t have to walk. We thought this small eccentric touch would add to the charm and individuality of our day and we were sold. This would of course give people a change of scenery without them having to do anything (and I would get to arrive in a nice car!). The Hall was quite expensive to hire, but as it is a chartiy, we felt happy to pay, rather than lining an over-priced hotel’s pockets. Also they didn’t stiff us for corkage, so we could buy our own champagne and they would charge us the same corkage as if it were a normal bottle of wine!

So, we decided on a ceremony at Marwell Hall, preceded and succeeded by drinks, and wedding breakfast and evening reception in Marwell hotel, a short train ride away.

Rich & I had been together for over 9 years. We knew we were going to be together but we just hadn’t got round to doing the whole marriage thing. We’d owned our own house for nearly 6 years and things were just ticking along nicely. On my birthday last year we went out for a meal and talked about the future and stuff and after a few glasses of wine and a lot of talking round the subject Rich asked me to marry him – YAY! – apparently for the third time!?! I just hadn’t noticed his previous proposals (doh!) which made for a good Grooms speech!

Setting the date

Although deciding to get married is a personal choice, choosing the date of a wedding may have implications. In our case we were about 6 months from the 10th anniversary of our meeting when we decided to get married. This date was always very special to us, so it made sense that it should be the date of our wedding – any other date would seem so arbitrary. However, with Rich doing his PhD we were concerned that the organisation required to get married might cause problems for his studies. We were also a little worried about finding venues (and everything else) at such short notice; although as the date fell on a Thursday in February, it turned out to be an advantageous time because everywhere was available). Another concern was that our guests would need to take time off work (the Thursday and the Friday), and if they couldn’t (or wouldn’t) arrange this, then we’d be left with no guests.

Wedding Guests

You want people to be there, but in order to know whether they will be you need to send out invitations with details, so it is a bit of a chicken and egg situation. Fortunately this wasn’t a problem as very few people could not get time off, and one couple even said they wished they had decided to get married on a Thursday as it meant they still had their weekend once the festivities were over – which was welcomed with travel time and hangovers.

Something we decided to do was to not tell anyone about our decision to get married until we had formulated a few opinions of our own. This was simply because neither of us had a clue about what we really wanted from the day and we wanted to get an idea about what eachother wanted first before other people made “of course you have to…” suggestions. This was actually a really cool decision as it meant it was our secret for a couple of months and we got to really get to know what type of things we both wanted from the day.

I can’t really put my finger on how things have changed, only to say that it’s better. Maybe this is because in the immediate aftermath of the big day the weight of responsibility of organising such an event is lifted; but I think it’s more than that. Suddenly you’re a family, proper. The responsibility of being a spouse seems to outweigh what was already a heafty bond between us as boyfriend/girlfriend, partner, other half (and all the other synonyms we didn’t really like but had to use for each other pre marriage) – and that says something after 10 years.

It’s the subtle changes – I think we’re both making even more effort at dealing with day to day things with respect, honesty and trust. Trying to be objective and adult, and being sensitive to each-others pressures.

Being married certainly is different. I mean would Rich have let me blog on boakes.org as a Reeves?

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