boakes.org

On wedding day, it’s the Best Man’s responsibility to stand before an audience of relative strangers and orate a devastatingly funny, yet compassionate speech, about what a fine upstanding member of society the Groom has continually failed to be. Before this he must carry the rings; having them ready at the appropriate moment - and probably most importantly, he must make sure the groom is at the wedding location on time, fully dressed and with all zips and fastenings in the closed position.

When I asked my best man if he’d be kind enough to take on these responsibilities he appeared a little pleased; muttered a few words of platitude, then calmly, clearly and in a rather pleased-with-himself-tone said: “Of course, there’s going to be a Stag Night”.

I’ve noticed that the more Stag Do’s we go on, the better they seem to get. We become experienced in the organizational requirements and they seem to get larger, more complex and exponentially funnier until, once the art has been mastered, there will be no friends left to marry off and the next generation must learn anew. Considering my extended circle of friends I guess we’re about 75% of the way through this learning process.

It’s common practice for the stag to be entirely in the dark about any details of the event; and with my stag night approaching, the traditional secrecy has descended. I know nothing (apart from the odd snippet here and there which has been leaked for the purposes of FUD. I received just such a leak today, and thought it worthy of a mention because it came not from the Best Man, but from Mrs. Best Man.

Milly had her second birthday this week; so, the role of Mrs Best man, it would appear, is to turn the screw.