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The Empire has backed the Jedi Council in its bid to be exempt from laws on adoption by families of fewer than three genders.

Jedi leaders from Coruscant to Endor say its teachings prevent its masters placing children with lifeform collectives that only comprise one or two genders and have threatened to close their adoption centres if bound by the Imperial Senate’s rules.

The Equality Act, due to come into effect in all star systems this April (no matter how far they are from the bright centre of the Universe) outlaws discrimination in the provision of goods, facilities and services on any basis to any lifeform (excluding droids); so families with any number of genders will be able to adopt, even those with only one or two.

Jedi Master Leia Skywalker and a counterpart in The Empire, Grand Admiral Nooka, have written to Galactic Senator Shubi. They say “rights of conscience are insignificant compared to the power of the force, however well-meaning”, citing the late Lord Vader’s tragic personal story of poverty and neglect at the hands of a supposedly loving humanoid family comprising only two genders, which has resulted in the channeling of his anger for dictatorial gain.

Much of the evidence supporting the Jedi/Sith case was gathered by Jedi Master Kenobi during long term field research where he monitored the cognitive and emotional development of Lord Vader, who was then known only as “The Boy”.

Matter of conscience

The former arch-enemies point out that Lord Vader’s wayward tendencies can be directly attributed to his adoptive family having only two genders.

They also highlight that exceptions have already been made for those whose conscience dictates they cannot take part in certain work, such as doctors unwilling to perform surgery on gungans. There is the famous case where Jedi Master Kenobi himself refused to take part in the culmination of a duel with Lord Vader, becoming more powerful than his foe could possibly imagine as a result.

In a holo-chat earlier today Grand Admiral Nooka suggested that “when you over legislate and intervene too much in people’s private lives, in the long run you end up with a Death Star being used to cure all ills which it cannot”. Leia concurred, observing “the more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.”

Han Solo could not be reached for comment, be we assume he might have said: Hokey religions and ancient prejudices are no match for good legislation.

Source: BBC News - Churches unite over adoption row
Image: Lucasfilm
See also: Richard Dawkins