My cousin Jo’s car’s been nicked. Thieved! Pilfered! Snaffled, even.

Nooooooo!

That’s MY old car, too. NOOOOOOO! And furthermore; Grrrrrrrr!

I don’t get it. Let’s be rational for a second. It’s an N reg (10 years old this August) Ford Fiesta. With a Diesel engine (can diesels be hotwired?), and approximately 180,000 miles on the clock. It’s not a flashy car, it’s an old but fairly reliable, reassuringly unglamorous workhorse.

Who, in their right mind, would nick it?

Dear Thief,
Please give it a full valet and return it undamaged and full of fuel before seeking professional help so that you might reintegrate with society and become a fantastic success, employing many people and raising a family who can be proud of you.
very from,
Jo’s Cousin
(and former guardian of the car what you have tea-leafed).