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Back in the last century after Netscape merged with AOL, a 3-year deal was struck between AOL and Sun Microsystems such that the Professional Services groups from Sun and Netscape would work together on projects that benefited both companies. The Netscape server software became (to all intents and purposes) jointly owned and developed, and Sun paid AOL a large retainer for each year of the deal regardless of how much software it actually sold. Our small and specialised consultancy group got a lot bigger overnight. The joint venture was initially called “The Sun|Netscape Alliance”, though after a couple of tongue-twisting months a less orally demanding brand name of iPlanet was announced.

Kick-Off

To get the members of this alliance acquainted all of the the sales force, and technical consulting groups were invited to gather at the Hyatt Regency Hotel, near Route 101, just south of San Francisco airport. This involved considerable expense, flying the small consulting groups in from all over the USA, from Europe, the far east, and even Australia. It was, without doubt, an expensive and important shindig.

So, we flew in, we transferred, we checked in and headed for the bar. Our bodies were telling us it was midnight, but the wallclock said 4pm, we had to stay awake, so social interaction provided safety in numbers, and beer helped explain the woozy disjointed feeling of a timezone shift.

A corporate kickoff is a very special time if you’re a consultant because you get the opportunity to meet people who have only ever been email addresses up to that point. In many cases these email addresses have been really helpful and you owe them a pint for their troubles, or vice versa. This can result in the corporate kickoff being a rather happy and celebratory affair.

Added to this mixture was the fact that there were a whole bunch of new people to meet and politely buy drinks for, and vice versa, and, well, you can see how things might expand to the point where, upon counting the empty bottles the next morning, one could be forgiven for thinking that the hot-tub had played host to several hundred people until well after 4am; all supping on cold beers gazing at the stars and wondering if there is a better or happier place anywhere in the world.

Not everyone can make it for the first night of course, so it would be churlish not to welcome the late comers with similar bonhomie, so generally every night is party night.

The Auditorium

Picture the scene then on the first morning after: 9am in an auditorium below the hotel, the lights are mercifully dimmed and an expectant hush descends on the seated crowd, a great number of whom are are rather hungover having continued the celebration with the email-addresses-made-flesh and new-best-friends until the bitter end, because it would be rude to duck out on such a good vibe.

This is an audience that has pulled itself from a strange bed, eaten a strange breakfast, had a strange hot brown beverage, and is strangely out of sorts due to an ill advised combination of timezones and alcohol.

Nobody is quite prepared for the audio visual assault of a max-volume inspirational music video projected onto the 50 food screen above the stage.

Know How

The offending audio-visual feast was called “Know-How”, a specially penned ditty describing “the truth in the net economy” and “technology borderin’ on mythology”, it was made for this specific occasion.

Whoever commissioned it had not bargained on the two companies being so friendly and generous around the bar the previous night.

During the following two and a half minutes, the entire assembled auditorium first wondered if there was a quieter and happier place anywhere in the world, then made an honest resolution to never ever drink alcohol again, then realised that they might need alcohol to get over what they were witnessing and resolved to drink more, as soon as the bar reopened.

It was seat gripping stuff, and pop-music dynamite, but, a typically bad corporate anthem. “Bad” because corporations should not force phrases like “right on course, primary source, in a technology evolution” into pop tunes. “Pop-music dynamite” because it was…

Some years later, I heard a song by an American performer called Justin Timberlake, and couldn’t help but notice the similarity. I remarked upon it to a couple of ex-netscape folk at the time, but without being able to compare the tracks we never really got to point the finger.

MC Sun|Netscape Alliance vs Justin Timberlake

Then today I found a copy of the video on an old hard-drive; so here, for your enjoyment, is the track in its entirety.

Without the volume and the hangover it’s entirely palatable, though still remarkably bad, and thanks to the wonders of you-tube, I can now compare and contrast the aforementioned Justin Timberlake track too.

They are remarkably similar, so I’m assuming that the guitar riff must be sampled from a common source - or was Justin Timberlake a secret Sun|Netscape Alliance fan?