Imagine a scene in the not-too distant future… after a frenzied period of leaks, rumours, claims and counter-claims, interspersed with no-comments, denials, and increasingly reliable and suggestive evidence emerging from component and sub-assembly manufacturers, Apple Inc announce the imminent release of The Perfect Gadget.

The mainstream press attend press conferences and briefings where Apple proclaim that their Perfect Gadget does everything up to, and maybe even including, ordering sliced bread from the online grocer at the precise thickness that it knows you will prefer (a fact derived from a semantic analyses of how you use said gadget).

Socially driven news sites will go utterly berserk.

So how long must we wait until Apple actually makes this announcement? Perhaps we’re only five or ten years away from The Perfect Gadget 1.0.

Converging on Perfection, and Overselling the Dream

In 2007, Apple announced their intent to produce the iPhone. Even before the announcement, the iPhone was hotly debated by potential owners whose excitement was akin to a small child who’s told they could go on the swings and the roundabouts and visit the local shops to buy as much sugar based confectionery as they can carry before going home to watch cartoons, leading some to call it the Jesus Phone. Even I, as a non Apple owner*, was hooked by the hype. Mesmerised by the hope of a perfect gadget.

The iPhone was never going to change the world, but reading back over some of the rhetoric that Apple spun into their press conferences you’d be forgiven if you thought it would. When Apple chief Steve Jobs opened his keynote speech saying “we’re going to make some history together today” it was an archetype of overstatement. Apple are not alone in overselling. The technology industry as a whole is guilty, and the trend is going to increase as gadgets and appliances become less about the technical specifications and more about the design of the hardware and the software – the human factors. Any company that’s marketing something with intangible or immeasurable value, can safely oversell and over-hype their product, because those that buy it want all the hype to be true. They need it to be true to validate their emotional buy-in and to affirm their “lifestyle choice”.

Future Perfect

There will come a time however, when The Perfect Gadget really is released. It will herald a fundamental change in the the world of consumer electronics. A ubiquitous device that people don’t want to part with. Users will not upgrade because they will be perfectly happy with it, so eventually there will be billions of units in circulation.

Past Imperfect

As a seasoned user of seven laptops, seven desktop computers, several hosted severs, eleven different types of mobile phone and three PDAs I’ve probably invested more time and energy than the average punter who uses gadgets. I’ve relied on them for my livelihood, maintained their hardware and software, synchronised their data with the other devices, and failed to part with most of them, so I have a fall-back if the next gadget doesn’t work. So what would be my personal perfect gadget? The gadget that would force me, the moment it’s announced, to call up the person on stage announcing it and say “I don’t care how much, I want the device that’s in your hand, name your price, sir/ma’am, ship it to me now“. When I wrote them all down, my list of requirements became unwieldy, so I thinned them out to a manageable core that can be found later in this article.

Benefiting from the Paradox of Choice

Gadgets with a similar form factor to the iPhone are both blessed and cursed with simplicity. The keyless form factor enables the gadget to be more easily be tailored to the users desire, but such devices are intrinsically harder to differentiate, and their potential can overwhelm.  Often the key benefit that gets marketed is that a product can do more than the competition, which leads consumers into the paradox of choice. With so much potential, how do they avoid selecting the wrong gadget? They have to fall back on the emotional – they choose the gadget that makes them feel good. This is something Apple do really well, they focus on ‘their way’ of doing things and make that it simple and rewarding.  The perfect gadget, above all, will be intuitive and emotionally rewarding to use.  Technological sedimentation and improved software can simplify the multiplicity of capabilities, so a dual focus on the intangible factors of software and hardware design are the critical factors in differentiating gadgets that have identical underlying technological specifications.  Apple’s name change from Apple Computer Inc. to Apple Inc. highlights its bias shift towards non-technical consumer devices. Indeed, Apple are in an enviable position that when they announce something, there is a lot of interest from consumers who tend do not burden themselves with technicalities: they’re just happy to know that it’s new, that it looks nice, and will reassure their ego of its value, whilst being generally useful and (critically) unchallenging to use.

Enjoy the gadgets, but beware the hyperbole.

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*Disclosure: I do in fact own an iPod Shuffle. It was a corporate freebie, so I have no emotional buy-in, but it is far nicer than my two old Diamond Rio PMP300s.

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The Perfect Gadget Specification

The perfect gadget should incorporate:

1. Everything in the iPhone. Because in a world where design differentiates, the iPhone is a great design. Telephones have undergone two critical form factor changes in the last 30 years. The first was moving the keypad onto the handset, which enabled the whole phone to become mobile. The second is the removal of the keypad from the handset, which removes the limitation on the device to be predominantly a phone. It can now just be a device that has communication as one of it’s capabilities. Apple were not the first people to suggest this: cognitive scientists have been saying it for years, but Apple brought it to market very successfully.
2. Screen size vs Portability. Phone screens are too small and a larger screen area is key to making the gadget useful in more circumstances. Something that uses up every available millimetre in the back pocket of a pair of jeans is perfect.
3. Flexibility. The problem of a device that’s sized for the back-pocket is that placing it there will put all kinds of stresses through it (because buttocks are not flat) so some degree of flex would be a bonus.
4. Induction Charging. I never ever want to plug my device in. Instead, I will have a tables and shelves around the house that are rigged up with an inductive charging system. The shelf by the door is a perfect candidate. Anything left on these inductive shelves would be recharged with no need to connect cables. We already have all the phones syncing over Wi-Fi and bluetooth, so it makes total sense to never ever have to plug them in again.
5. GPS/Galileo. I want the unit to know where it is at all times so my whole life can be tracked, then every photo and every calendar event can be correlated. GPS is good, but for Europe, Galileo is likely to be better (because of the control and positioning of the satellites).
6. Compass and spirit level. The device must know which way up it is and where it’s pointing, so that when I take photos using the device both location and viewing frustum can be recorded.
7. Cameras. Equally spec’d cameras and screens front and back (so that front and back become concepts in software only). The camera image sensors should be interspersed with the screen pixels so video chat is more natural and doesn’t appear as if the other person is talking to a point on the wall just behind you. With a screen on both sides, the image could be viewed by the person taking the photo, and by the subjects, bringing to an end all pictures where the subjects are needlessly and awkwardly tilting their heads when they’re already in-frame.
8. Social awareness. The device should be able to associate geographical locations with social conventions. When I visit the library (or the crematorium) the gadget must know this and no matter how loud I have it set it must not interrupt.
9. A Thermometer. If the device is below body temperature, it’s in my bag not in my pocket, so vibrating is less to help – it should know this and be more noisy. If it’s below body temperature and flat on it’s back, and its after 11pm, and it’s dark, then I’m asleep, so don’t ring until after 7am… Intelligence and configurablility of all these capabilities is key.
10. Peer awareness. Sensing the environment can be enhanced if other sensors can be consulted for comparison. If multiple perfect gadgets are near each other they could (and should) share common information. Rather than each one of them running at full power measuring all things, they could take it in turns. One sampling and sharing GPS position, another doing cell negotiation, etc. Sharing the work could mean reduced overhead and increased battery life.
11. Waterproof. Induction charging would make a 100% sealed unit a highloy viabile possibility; and with so9lid state devices operating better than disk drives under increased pressure it could be made waterproof for diving (or mountain climbing if that’s your bag).

… and of course, since the is the perfect gadget …

1. Tactile Feedback. A feedback system that makes the surface smoother and stickier as it is exposed to a varying electrical current. The whole experience of using the iPhone is lacking in tactile feedback and whilst a vibration feedback system would improve things, it’s not enough.
2. Self Repair. An organic surface, that can repair itself of scratches.

What’s probably not necessary…

1. Replaceable or Upgradable Storage. Globally ubiquitous and fast network connections with inexpensive data rates will render on-device storage irrelevant. Users will no longer need to replace their device every eighteen months for the sake of more space.
2. Replaceable Batteries. Opportunities to recharge mobile devices could increase exponentially. An induction device in your car seat would mean you never have to take the phone from your back pocket. A induction device in the train table would mean your phone would charge whilst commuting. Your whole desk at work could charge phones, laptops all at once. Batteries will never run out of charge.

I fondly remember a time when I was somewhat shorter than I am today, when a summer afternoon seemed like a lifetime and a five minute cartoon was the pinnacle of non-confectionary based treats. During this time, Bod was one of my favourite cartoons.

If you’ve not seen bod, you can watch an episode on the official Bod website! I was surprised to learn that there were only ever thirteen episodes made, and delighted to find that they can all be bought on a single Bod DVD.

It’s a formula that today’s television program commisioners could learn a lot from. Take a few short stories, turn them into very simple animated segments; throw in a guessing game to pad out the program and a classic is born.

Bod reminds me of the simple things in life; so I have Bod on my backdrop.

Bod

Available in sizes: 1024×768, 1280×1024, 1024×1280

iBod

Available in sizes: 1024×768, 1280×1024, 1024×1280

Bod and iBod? That’s not snap!

Available in sizes: 1024×768, 1280×1024, 2048×1280

Last year, I created a parody “Tesco Value Special Occasion Card“; stuck it up on the web and thought nothing more about it; making it freely available in several formats so that people without black belt computer skills could download it, alter it a bit if necessary and then print it out.

I was a bit taken aback this week to discover that my card has now been modified and put up for sale on EBay as a mothers day card (by at least three separate people). What’s more, based on feedback left for the sellers, it’s proving to be a remarkably popular card.

The original card looked like this:

I spotted the first card on Ebay yesterday. It’s been altered to say “Mothers Day” but it’s basically the file from my site with a hacky attempt at replacing the words and image.

I say it’s hacky because the artist doesn’t appear to have matched the Tesco blue for the text (though it’s difficult to tell from the poor quality pic), and the image of the flower hasn’t had it’s white levels properly adjusted, so you can see the square border where it’s been pasted on.

The second card turned up a day later, with a different photo.

It may be that someone’s bought the card then thought what a good idea it would be to resell it, or it may be that it’s the same guy selling it twice – the kink in the bottom of the card suggests that it’s the same card in each picture.

The third card is basically just the first card, being resold by someone who’s clueless about the design/technology aspect, and is just jumping on the cash bandwagon (the Q&A indicates this quite clearly: Q: “Can I add text to it for example my mother in law’s name? Or mother in law? ” A: “Hiya, I’m not quite sure,I’ve opened the card with…).

The fourth card is an altogether different design, with a big red overlay where the artist has used entirely the wrong font for both the main message and also when replacing the “sincerity guaranteed” message.

So how do I know the fourth card is also based on mine? Easy. Look at the C in Tesco. I drew that logo by hand, and never got the C quite right, there’s too much weight in it’s body, and that’s what gives it away as a derivative of mine. I could have spent time prefecting it, but this was a quick joke, a parody, and certainly not something that was going to be sold.

Now, I couldn’t care less if someone takes my parody and modifies it, I think I’m flattered really; but I do feel distinctly sorry for all the people that have had to shell out for their copy, when they could have downloaded the original free version here!

Happy Mothers Day!

Update 2006-03-23 20:41

Someone was kind enough to send me a copy of the file from ebay, which is, without a shadow of a doubt, derived from my parody work.

You’ll notice, when you look at the large version that (as I’d originally thought):

1. the “artist” hasn’t matched the text colour at all,
2. the image is indeed in need of a little white balancing because the edges of the flower picture are clearly visible and
3. happily, my logo had been removed from the item that was sold.

We’re looking for a print that will go in the new kitchen, so I’ve made a short list of Exploding Dog pictures that might be suitable, or which are at least along the right lines in terms of ideas for colour.

• Come closer.
• One more time.
• Is this what you were talking about?
• Larger than life
• Choose one.
• You will never know what I saw
• Just thinking of you.
• I shoudl have known.
• Don’t eat that banane.
• What did I just eat?

These are in addition to our other favourites.

One nice result of the UK having an Apple store is that we also get a nice union flag button based on the sleek Apple branding, however, there’s no Welsh Apple shop, so until Tiger comes out there’s no Welsh button; and there probably won’t be one when it does, so…

… well those who’ve heard my fairly RP accent are often surprised to know that I was born in a coal mine and grew up sat on the virtual knees of Boyce and Jones, but everyone’s gotta be born and bred somewhere and for me, that somewhere was the beautiful Gower peninsula.

Anyway, I digress. Here, for free use by one and all, is my contribution to the Tiger glass buttons of the world. A Welsh button, in various sizes, based on the green and white flag, and modeled around Idris (the little dragon that lived inside Ivor the Engine).

I have to hand it to the R&D folks at apple, they really do create some lovely gadgets. Things that have form as well as function. So my usual respect was taken up a notch today when I saw the advert for this summer’s must have gadget, the iPad.

Until recently the gadget market has been dominated by young to middle-aged, technically minded men. So Apple’s release of an iPod shuffle derivative aimed directly at the female market is illustrative of their position as one of the few companies whose appeal is equally split between the tech savvy and urban chic of both genders.

The text of the iPad ad’ says it all:

Meet iPad shuffle, the discrete new member of the iPod family.

Wear it with almost nothing else.

It’s waterproof, sandproof, ergonomically contoured and invisible under swimwear,

We call it summerproof.

…and in case you drift off listening to 240 of your favourite thongs we’ve incorporated a discrete vibrating alarm function so you never forget to reapply your sunscreen.

Available April 1 2005 from rom $99.
Brown Mac & Not PC.

It will be interesting to see how it fares when it is released today.

The Tesco Value Special Occasion Card needs no explanation.

Perfect for the moment when you need to say something for a special occasion, but have (once again) been unable to find an appropriate card after spending hours searching in every card shop.

You did go to the shops, didn’t you?

Send Flowers

Tactical Pre-emptive Advertising: If this card is not suitable for your requirements, you may wish to try your local branch of Tesco, which sells an excellent array of cards, appropriate for all occasions. In fact, if you’d tried them first you’d never have ended up here. If you’ve really messed up, sending flowers is good, I’ve heard.

The card is available in (no less than) four convenient formats:

1. As a bitmap (PNG), here.
2. As an Adobe Illustrator (AI / EPS) file, here.
3. As a Macromedia Flash (SWF) file, here.
4. As a Generic PostScript (PS) file, here.

Update March ’06

People have started selling derivatives of this card on ebay! Has the world gone mad?

Every year we enter the IBM Summer Volleyball Tournament, hoping for fine weather, long balmy evenings, a few beers, a BBQ and maybe (but only if we have to) a game of volleyball.

Each year when the piece of paper comes round we’re asked our team’s name, and over the years there have been some very silly ones. From 1994′s “You can’t close a pile of rocks” to last year’s “Top Gut”.

It’s also a tradition that we have a Tee-Shirt made up, so here, I attach the logos and some mockups I made to whet the team’s appetite.